i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
