she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
