My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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