I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
