just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
