Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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