If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
