she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
