Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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