Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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