nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
