Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
