I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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