I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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