He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize