Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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