ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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