i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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