I want to walk on stilts...naked
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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