Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
