just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
