I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Randomize
