Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
