I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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