if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
