think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
