3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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