I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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