I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
