Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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