It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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