whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
