called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
