I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
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