All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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