my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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