we should wear snuggies to the strip club
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
