found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
