he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize