I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
