I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
