mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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