i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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