I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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