Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize