he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Those nachos came to me in a dream
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
