Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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