thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
