its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
