I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
