i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
