why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
