Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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