Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
