i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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