woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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