My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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