My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
