i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
