I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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