She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
These tits shall not be calmed
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
