I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
He kissed a someone with a penis
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize