im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
