the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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