smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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