whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
We got so high we made milksteak
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
