5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
