i was rollin on her like bob the builder
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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