textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize